Because only an idiot would say this woman is dead.
Or a coroner.
You must get easily winded. Luckily for all of us, I know CPR — so sayeth this s00per legit certification card from 6th grade Health class I just now found in my wallet. Go on, choke!
And I can’t for the life of me remember what exactly I wrote in my fellow graduates’ yearbooks. I wasn’t close with too many people; never was. Probably opted for some grotesque caricatures of our teachers, in most cases. I… I also think I gave people eBay ratings? “A+, will buy from again” became my version of the generic “you rock, don’t ever change”? The strongest bond I had throughout those four turbulent years was with an online auction website — bow down.
You, BornOnTheSideOfAHillEvenThoughIKnowYourRealName, are most certainly an “A++++++++++++, will buy from again.”